09.17.07

The Problem with Windows Vista

Posted by Bowman at 11:00 pm in media, parakeets, the internet

Today, my Dell Inspiron 1520 Notebook, named Mercy, greeted me with a message; it said, in an all too convenient little text bubble, that today was the day I could effectively solve “the problem with Windows Vista.”

The first three things that popped in my head with that little remark was this:

  1. Inaccessability of the option to record the computer’s stereo mix (unless using specific audio cards)
  2. Heavy reliance on CPU-hogging background programs
  3. Parakeets The disposal of Robert Fripp’s contributions to the Vista system soundtrack

I looked closer at the little text bubble though, hoping to see a message along the lines of “We’re sorry we fucked with all of you King Crimson fans out there, it won’t happen again,” only to discover that it there were no notes. No mention of a critical update or driver issues or all that programming “stuff” for lack of a better word. Not even some gimmicky Windows Media Player upgrade or something. Only the open-ended note that it would solve “the problem with Windows Vista.” So I clicked the bubble. A little help page appeared. I looked at the first three lines. And what did I find?

Follow these steps to solve the problem with Windows Vista

This problem was caused by Windows Vista, which was created by Microsoft Corporation.

A solution is available that will solve that problem.

Oh FUCK no. Demon motherfucking voodoo. Read the rest of this entry »

09.10.07

A Room for Improvement

Posted by Bowman at 3:49 pm in and college, lists, parakeets

Dorm Room “We need to rent a-”

 ”Car!”

“… vacuum.”

“Right, a vacuum.”

“This room gets pretty messy after all.”

“What we need is some rugs. You know. Little area rugs.”

“I could get some sometime. They’d probably make the room look better.”

“You know what would rule? A parakeet! It would rule to have a parakeet.”

“Uh…”

“Wait, no, that would be the opposite of rule. No, nevermind.” Read the rest of this entry »