11.30.07

leisure

Posted by Lulu at 8:31 pm in and college, Rape, movies

Because Stern is stern, and requires me to take classes I shouldn’t have to take, I have a lot of leisure time.

What, I’m taking the typical 4-course freshman schedule. Calculus. Writing. Some sort of humanities. Microeconomics.

I took calc BC. And AP Micro/Macro.

And I guess Mrs. Golden made me really good at bullshitting essays.

 So really, the only class I ever have to work at is my humanities course… which I can bullshit, anyway. It’s just Nietzsche.

I have too much time on my hands!

I know I should enjoy this now, while I can.

So I’m writing a post.

Yesterday (this morning) I rode the subway with my friend Trish for a couple of hours. We went to Coney Island; she had a cigarette,  I ran around, we froze our asses off.

Trish reminds me a lot of Caitlin Elledge, except nicer, on coke, and feminist. But they both have the same disregard for their physical health. I asked her about it (like, cocaine, and pot, and tobacco. She’s going to die) and she said,

“Honestly, I don’t want to live past 35. I don’t want to get married and have kids. I mean, I enjoy smoking, and if I can have a hell of a time in 35 years, then I really don’t need the other ones.”

Okay. That’s. Stupid. But. Interesting, because:

This is what has been given her. And she is choosing to use it.

In my opinion, in a wasteful fashion. But, hm. She’s very beautiful. She’s a film student. She carries her camera with her wherever. She and I wrote stories to each other on the subway. She… wears vintage clothing and has watched all movies known to man. She is selfless and giving (more than me, which is, bleh. It’s pretentious for me to claim I’m unusually selfless, I guess). She claims she’s not a feminist but a humanist. She falls in love rapidly and deeply. Like, the deep rapids of Canada. Inevitably, her kayak tips over.

What else? She lives pretty damn dangerously, and gives her heart to anyone who wants to use it.

Okay okay, she’s just a dumb-ass kid, but I think of her as fearless. I’m sure she has fears (she’s just dumb-ass kid, after all) but she and I are similar, in the sense that both of us refuse to back down in the face of fear.

This boy is going to break your heart, Trish.

I know. I love him.

Guys, wtf are you going on the subway at 1 in the morning for? You’ll get raped.

Yeah, it’s okay. We’ll be fine.

So… I like to think we’re crazy beautiful girls who throw all caution to the wind, who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who scream into the dark and desperately plunge forward, into the black, unafraid, undeterred, unashamed.

But, we’re just dumb-ass kids who don’t know how to watch out for ourselves.

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